1
00:00:08,748 --> 00:00:09,991
What are we looking at?

2
00:00:09,991 --> 00:00:12,758
Unattended bag. We're debating
how long it has to be there

3
00:00:12,794 --> 00:00:14,270
before it's considered suspicious.

4
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,770
The only thing suspicious about that bag

5
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:17,007
is why someone would buy it.

6
00:00:17,044 --> 00:00:19,077
It's not dangerous. It's
probably just some girl's.

7
00:00:19,112 --> 00:00:21,112
Some tacky girl's. She's
better off without it.

8
00:00:21,148 --> 00:00:22,631
I don't know. It's not that bad.

9
00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,464
You know whose it is? I bet it's Nichole's.

10
00:00:24,499 --> 00:00:25,832
She doesn't need a bag that size.

11
00:00:25,867 --> 00:00:27,500
She goes to Vegas just to strip.

12
00:00:27,535 --> 00:00:28,882
All her clothes fit in her wallet.

13
00:00:28,981 --> 00:00:30,948
Oh, it could be Artem's, though.

14
00:00:30,983 --> 00:00:32,666
He could've won it off another gambler.

15
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,499
BERNARD: No, he stopped
accepting luggage as payment

16
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,434
ever since that duffle
bag gave him bedbugs.

17
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:37,835
I think it's beds that get Artem bugs.

18
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,704
Well, it's got to be
somebody. Probably that Brit.

19
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:41,431
What's his name, your make
out buddy from the bathroom?

20
00:00:41,431 --> 00:00:42,957
- Colin.
- I bet it's him.

21
00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:46,068
- British men are basically American women.
- BERNARD: No.

22
00:00:46,104 --> 00:00:48,905
That bag is way too expensive
on a professor's salary.

23
00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:51,741
This is dumb. We can't stand
here all day staring at a bag.

24
00:00:51,776 --> 00:00:52,909
I'm gonna call security.

25
00:00:52,944 --> 00:00:54,826
They'll take it away or
explode it or whatever.

26
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:56,459
Ronnie, don't.

27
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,291
- It's my bag.
- What?

28
00:00:59,326 --> 00:01:01,393
I've been looking for it for
20 minutes, and I come back here

29
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,518
and you guys are talking about
how it's ugly and a girl's bag.

30
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:04,633
- It's both.
- Sorry.

31
00:01:04,668 --> 00:01:05,898
I was waiting for you
to leave to pick it up,

32
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,265
but you know what? I am not ashamed.

33
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,866
I am a modern man. I do
not subscribe to labels.

34
00:01:09,902 --> 00:01:12,035
I can own whatever bag I want.

35
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,186
I am Captain Dave, and I
am proud to own a pink tote.

36
00:01:16,304 --> 00:01:17,993
Hot saleslady sold it to you, didn't she?

37
00:01:18,023 --> 00:01:20,227
Ugh, she was so hot, Bernie.
I was trying to impress her.

38
00:01:20,256 --> 00:01:21,260
I haggled her up.

39
00:01:25,925 --> 00:01:27,892
- It was Captain Dave's bag?
- Mm-hmm.

40
00:01:27,927 --> 00:01:29,831
Ronnie is winner!

41
00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:31,991
Drinks are on me tonight!

42
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:33,667
- [CHEERING]
- All right!

43
00:01:33,737 --> 00:01:35,020
PILOT [OVER P.A.]: Jackpot Airlines.

44
00:01:35,056 --> 00:01:36,989
Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

45
00:01:37,024 --> 00:01:39,992
?

46
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:41,949
[SLOT MACHINE CHIMING] [ELECTRONIC CHIME]

47
00:01:41,973 --> 00:01:43,973
Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com

48
00:01:51,105 --> 00:01:52,771
[GASPS]

49
00:01:52,807 --> 00:01:54,797
Don't you worry. She's here.

50
00:01:55,142 --> 00:01:56,652
- Who?
- Ronnie.

51
00:01:56,652 --> 00:01:59,196
That's the one you're
desperately looking for, yes?

52
00:01:59,196 --> 00:02:00,495
Nope. I was just sitting here

53
00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:03,398
studying up for my
weekend fatherhood duties.

54
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,710
It's like a 48-hour test every week,

55
00:02:05,746 --> 00:02:08,275
and I won't know how I did for 20 years.

56
00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:10,374
Don't lie to me. I'm
a professional gambler.

57
00:02:10,374 --> 00:02:11,923
I read people.

58
00:02:12,008 --> 00:02:13,504
I'm just trying to read my book.

59
00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:14,921
A book. Hey.

60
00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,469
You know what book I like?

61
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,846
That one about the girl who's gone

62
00:02:21,882 --> 00:02:24,311
and Ben Affleck had to look for her.

63
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,192
Did you ever watch that book?

64
00:02:26,192 --> 00:02:29,730
"No" feels like the quickest
way to end this conversation.

65
00:02:30,983 --> 00:02:32,201
Hi, Ronnie.

66
00:02:33,929 --> 00:02:36,863
See? Desperately, your head was like...

67
00:02:36,898 --> 00:02:40,100
What just fell out of your
hair? Are those muffin crumbs?

68
00:02:40,135 --> 00:02:43,303
"No" feels like the quickest
way to end this conversation.

69
00:02:47,525 --> 00:02:50,860
Oh, God, I would love
for today to just be easy.

70
00:02:51,146 --> 00:02:54,311
I'd settle for one flight
without any fighting, vomiting,

71
00:02:54,312 --> 00:02:56,044
or fake emotional support animals.

72
00:02:56,074 --> 00:02:58,141
Hey, Darryl isn't just some duck in a vest.

73
00:02:58,176 --> 00:02:59,649
He's helped a lot of people.

74
00:02:59,649 --> 00:03:01,749
No, I know. He has. I'm sorry.

75
00:03:01,785 --> 00:03:05,386
I'm just, I'm in a weird
mood. I had a date last night.

76
00:03:05,421 --> 00:03:06,621
And it didn't go well?

77
00:03:06,656 --> 00:03:08,623
I wouldn't know. I didn't actually show up.

78
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,166
I bailed ten minutes before,

79
00:03:10,201 --> 00:03:12,702
then hid my phone in a box of Kashi GOLEAN

80
00:03:12,737 --> 00:03:13,803
in case he texted back.

81
00:03:13,838 --> 00:03:14,937
Really? Kashi GO...

82
00:03:14,973 --> 00:03:16,225
Okay, it was an empty box of wine.

83
00:03:16,225 --> 00:03:18,358
Can we just focus on my
almost dating, please?

84
00:03:18,646 --> 00:03:20,388
I'm sure you had a good
reason for not going.

85
00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:23,147
Yes. And that reason is
I'm a terrible person.

86
00:03:24,123 --> 00:03:25,717
Hello, friends and colleagues.

87
00:03:26,076 --> 00:03:28,042
Guess who has two thumbs, nine toes,

88
00:03:28,078 --> 00:03:30,809
and just nailed an interview
with Aviator Magazine.

89
00:03:31,014 --> 00:03:32,725
That's right, this guy.

90
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,535
Favorite part of flying? Easy, the rush.

91
00:03:35,535 --> 00:03:37,991
If I had one wish? More wishes.

92
00:03:38,163 --> 00:03:41,464
Personal hero? Latinos.
They've been through so mucho.

93
00:03:41,979 --> 00:03:43,945
Yup. It appears old
Captain Dave Pratman here

94
00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:46,782
has been named one of Aviator Magazine's

95
00:03:46,817 --> 00:03:49,364
top ten pilots to watch. So
keep your eyes open, kids.

96
00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:51,274
But don't stare for too long,

97
00:03:51,406 --> 00:03:53,168
because this superstar burns bright.

98
00:03:56,639 --> 00:03:58,733
Well, it sounds like a straight
white guy's doing great.

99
00:03:58,733 --> 00:04:00,637
So at least there's some
justice in the world.

100
00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:05,670
[PASSENGERS WHOOPING, CHEERING]

101
00:04:09,322 --> 00:04:11,325
_

102
00:04:13,259 --> 00:04:14,502
This seat's open.

103
00:04:17,595 --> 00:04:18,850
Oh, these?

104
00:04:18,885 --> 00:04:21,853
They're just coupons for the
club I dance at, Grapefruits.

105
00:04:22,133 --> 00:04:23,831
Free fruit salad with every lap dance.

106
00:04:24,068 --> 00:04:25,852
- [COUGHING]
- Oh...

107
00:04:25,852 --> 00:04:28,453
I didn't realize you were
sick. Um, that's fine.

108
00:04:28,488 --> 00:04:30,755
You can still come to the
club. Just ask for Danielle.

109
00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:32,791
She can take it. She beat super gonorrhea.

110
00:04:32,826 --> 00:04:34,726
Is there a coupon to make you stop talking?

111
00:04:35,094 --> 00:04:36,127
[COUGHING]

112
00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:38,727
Ah, long time no see.

113
00:04:38,752 --> 00:04:40,010
Hey. Hi.

114
00:04:40,319 --> 00:04:42,242
Ah, before I forget, I
have something for you.

115
00:04:44,254 --> 00:04:46,154
It's the key lime pie from Foundry.

116
00:04:46,525 --> 00:04:47,899
Well, since you never showed up to try it,

117
00:04:47,899 --> 00:04:49,132
I thought you might like a piece.

118
00:04:49,167 --> 00:04:51,001
[GASPS] You are the spurned rendezvous.

119
00:04:51,269 --> 00:04:52,972
Oh, that's good. People know.

120
00:04:52,972 --> 00:04:54,572
I was worried it wouldn't
be embarrassing enough.

121
00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:57,775
- There's nothing in here.
- Yeah, that's right.

122
00:04:57,811 --> 00:04:59,877
The key lime pie actually
texted at the last minute

123
00:04:59,913 --> 00:05:01,889
- to say it couldn't make it.
- I'm sorry.

124
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:03,532
I know that I should've
texted you earlier...

125
00:05:03,566 --> 00:05:06,200
It wasn't just the
timing, it was the content.

126
00:05:06,235 --> 00:05:08,335
All you said was, "I just can't."

127
00:05:08,371 --> 00:05:11,539
That's not an explanation.
That's a clue on Dateline.

128
00:05:11,882 --> 00:05:13,582
"Her last text was, 'I just can't.'

129
00:05:13,765 --> 00:05:17,000
Then they found her hand buried
in a Dumpster in Jacksonville."

130
00:05:17,035 --> 00:05:18,884
Isn't all of Jacksonville a Dumpster?

131
00:05:20,133 --> 00:05:21,466
No? Bad time?

132
00:05:21,805 --> 00:05:24,468
I just don't understand,
Ronnie. We spoke every day.

133
00:05:24,504 --> 00:05:28,473
There was flirting and chemistry
and... suggestive emojis.

134
00:05:28,508 --> 00:05:31,309
That wasn't suggestive. I
really was washing an eggplant.

135
00:05:31,671 --> 00:05:34,472
At least finish the text
for me. You just can't what?

136
00:05:34,507 --> 00:05:36,841
You can't find parking?
You can't pick an outfit?

137
00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:39,286
- You just can't what?
- I just can't this.

138
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,505
You want to know why I canceled, Colin?

139
00:05:41,505 --> 00:05:42,937
Because you freaked me out, okay?

140
00:05:42,974 --> 00:05:44,707
You freaked me out.

141
00:05:44,742 --> 00:05:46,502
- [ELECTRONIC CHIME]
- Excuse me.

142
00:05:48,846 --> 00:05:51,947
- Pie? What kind?
- Symbolic key lime.

143
00:05:51,983 --> 00:05:54,038
Oh, I like coconut cream.

144
00:05:54,297 --> 00:05:56,464
- That's nice for you.
- No, it's not.

145
00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,579
I'm allergic to coconut.

146
00:06:00,606 --> 00:06:03,204
[ELECTRONIC CHIMING]

147
00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,272
Uh... Shalom, guys.

148
00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:08,241
- One large beer, please.
- How old are you?

149
00:06:08,464 --> 00:06:11,087
13, but I'm a man tomorrow, so...

150
00:06:11,087 --> 00:06:13,492
- Well, give me a ding in eight years.
- I can't.

151
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,953
Men and women can't be alone
together unless they're married.

152
00:06:16,036 --> 00:06:18,637
Wow. That actually sounds
really good to me right now.

153
00:06:18,672 --> 00:06:19,838
Maybe I should convert.

154
00:06:19,873 --> 00:06:21,949
Well, we're always
looking for girls like you.

155
00:06:27,014 --> 00:06:28,450
This is your captain...

156
00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:32,266
And one of Aviator Magazine's
top ten pilots to watch...

157
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,243
Here to give you a little reminder.

158
00:06:34,313 --> 00:06:36,118
Just because you pay for sex

159
00:06:36,273 --> 00:06:37,996
doesn't mean you have to pay a lot.

160
00:06:38,094 --> 00:06:39,183
So do what I do.

161
00:06:39,282 --> 00:06:42,194
Go to Madame Kitty's Ranch off the 6.

162
00:06:43,199 --> 00:06:45,066
Because you deserve to get a hando

163
00:06:45,101 --> 00:06:46,934
without paying an arm and a leg.

164
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,836
Ten pilots to watch.

165
00:06:48,871 --> 00:06:49,970
Can you believe it?

166
00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:51,337
Lot of big names have been on that list.

167
00:06:51,337 --> 00:06:54,727
Sully, Travolta, Chewbacca.

168
00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:55,804
The Wookiee?

169
00:06:55,829 --> 00:06:58,007
No, the hairy Austrian
that flies for Delta.

170
00:06:58,043 --> 00:06:59,909
And you know who's never been on that list?

171
00:06:59,944 --> 00:07:01,986
Stupid Captain Steve.

172
00:07:02,118 --> 00:07:04,639
- Isn't he married to a model?
- Catalog model.

173
00:07:04,736 --> 00:07:07,239
And this isn't about him. This is about me.

174
00:07:07,772 --> 00:07:10,840
I tell you, Alan, this article is the thing

175
00:07:10,876 --> 00:07:14,378
that's finally gonna
make my career take off.

176
00:07:14,913 --> 00:07:16,880
- [PLANE WHIRRING]
- [PASSENGERS GASP]

177
00:07:22,687 --> 00:07:25,580
- Are you okay?
- Uh... yeah.

178
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,657
That was... that was nothing.

179
00:07:28,068 --> 00:07:29,476
I think it was your fault.

180
00:07:29,476 --> 00:07:31,443
- I'm not touching anything.
- Well, maybe you should've been!

181
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,581
Because everyone believes
that Ben Affleck killed her,

182
00:07:38,053 --> 00:07:40,146
so he has to go to Madea for help.

183
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:42,420
Turns out the girl is not gone.

184
00:07:42,455 --> 00:07:44,772
No, she is at Doogie Howser's house.

185
00:07:44,887 --> 00:07:46,687
I thought she was at Barney

186
00:07:46,722 --> 00:07:47,988
from How I Met Your Mother's house.

187
00:07:48,023 --> 00:07:50,857
You read it, too? What about you my friend?

188
00:07:54,115 --> 00:07:56,456
Hello, friend, are you okay?

189
00:07:56,659 --> 00:07:57,831
Hello?

190
00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:05,083
Oh, no.

191
00:08:06,356 --> 00:08:07,667
Yeah. No.

192
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,142
I think he's Gone Girl.

193
00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:11,678
BOTH: Ronnie!

194
00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:15,820
- Are we sure he's dead?
- I don't know.

195
00:08:15,882 --> 00:08:17,957
Bernard took the emergency
manual; he's checking.

196
00:08:21,707 --> 00:08:23,152
Yep, he's super dead.

197
00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:25,025
I never had anyone die on my watch before.

198
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:26,259
We should cover him with something.

199
00:08:26,295 --> 00:08:28,128
We could cover him with my Hogwarts cloak.

200
00:08:28,163 --> 00:08:30,263
Damn it, Alan, no one
cares about Star Trek.

201
00:08:30,299 --> 00:08:32,999
Even if we wanted to use
Alan's gross cloak, we can't.

202
00:08:33,035 --> 00:08:35,101
Airline protocol says we can't
officially acknowledge death

203
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:37,587
on the plane; we have
to wait until we land.

204
00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:39,072
Then he's pronounced dead on the tarmac.

205
00:08:39,107 --> 00:08:41,841
- That's how I want to go.
- It's probably best not to draw

206
00:08:41,868 --> 00:08:43,100
any more attention to him anyway.

207
00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:44,277
We don't want any of the other passengers

208
00:08:44,313 --> 00:08:45,817
to start freaking out.

209
00:08:46,214 --> 00:08:48,214
- Like that chick?
- [ELECTRONIC CHIMING]

210
00:08:51,887 --> 00:08:54,087
It was the Ruth Bader
Ginsburg comment, wasn't it?

211
00:08:54,122 --> 00:08:56,189
That's what freaked you out. I was joking.

212
00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:58,411
Of course I believe she
has legs under that robe.

213
00:08:58,436 --> 00:09:00,332
I can't even describe
how not the time this is.

214
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,190
You can't just tell
somebody they freaked you out

215
00:09:02,226 --> 00:09:03,877
and then drop it... It lacks couth.

216
00:09:03,962 --> 00:09:07,426
- You lack couth.
- I have a buttload of couth!

217
00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:09,791
You were just so damn intense, okay?

218
00:09:10,031 --> 00:09:11,813
Like when we were planning the dinner.

219
00:09:11,813 --> 00:09:13,796
It should be pretty
simple, right? I counted.

220
00:09:13,796 --> 00:09:15,830
You sent me 14 Yelp pages,
five different menus,

221
00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:17,732
and one article about how L.A. is

222
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:19,567
in the middle of a pickle boom?

223
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:22,090
Renaissance. Pickle renaissance.

224
00:09:22,239 --> 00:09:25,264
Hi. Um, I think my button's broken.

225
00:09:29,189 --> 00:09:30,904
Nichole, did you need something?

226
00:09:30,929 --> 00:09:33,481
Um, yeah. Look, I don't want to be a pain,

227
00:09:33,516 --> 00:09:35,683
but is there anything
you can do about, um...

228
00:09:35,718 --> 00:09:38,919
I'm sorry. It's a full flight.
There's nowhere to put him.

229
00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:40,721
And we're trying to be discreet,

230
00:09:40,757 --> 00:09:43,619
but I do have something I think will help.

231
00:09:43,619 --> 00:09:45,924
These were in the lost and found.

232
00:09:47,562 --> 00:09:49,961
"YOLO." So true.

233
00:09:50,766 --> 00:09:52,172
[CHUCKLES]: Um, okay.

234
00:09:52,845 --> 00:09:54,745
There's got to be something you can do

235
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:56,450
to make me feel better about this.

236
00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:59,017
- What do you mean?
- Well, like, in college,

237
00:09:59,052 --> 00:10:00,986
if your roommate dies, you get straight A's

238
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,354
for the rest of the semester.

239
00:10:02,389 --> 00:10:04,990
I would know because my roommate
actually tried to kill herself,

240
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,358
but totally blew it at the last second.

241
00:10:06,393 --> 00:10:08,993
It got me so upset, I don't
even want to talk about it.

242
00:10:08,993 --> 00:10:11,737
Wait, were you upset because she
tried or because it didn't work?

243
00:10:11,737 --> 00:10:13,671
No, Ronnie, because she
broke the ceiling fan.

244
00:10:13,705 --> 00:10:16,706
Look, all I'm saying is
that some people might say

245
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:18,342
that a dead seatmate

246
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,927
is way more traumatic than a dead roommate.

247
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:24,348
Fine. How about I start counting strippers

248
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,716
as military for early boarding purposes?

249
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,407
Great. People are always
thanking me for my service.

250
00:10:37,357 --> 00:10:38,533
Landing.

251
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,242
Landing. No problem.

252
00:10:40,899 --> 00:10:42,065
[EXHALES]

253
00:10:42,548 --> 00:10:44,338
Done it a million times before.

254
00:10:45,170 --> 00:10:47,937
- What the hell?
- Why are your hands all weird?

255
00:10:47,973 --> 00:10:49,706
Why do you keep paying
so much attention to me?

256
00:10:49,741 --> 00:10:51,566
- Are you in love with me?
- [CHUCKLES]: No.

257
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,812
- This is the back of the plane.
- What are you doing back here?

258
00:10:55,847 --> 00:10:57,914
Well, Captain Dave said I was
getting a little too worked up,

259
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,916
- so I needed a juice time-out.
- Oh, fine. Here.

260
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,247
Just dilute it with water
so you don't go hyper again.

261
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:04,378
- [GROANS]: Oh.
- [SIGHS]

262
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,313
Okay. So Nichole seems to be under control.

263
00:11:06,349 --> 00:11:08,702
- How is Artem handling it?
- Well...

264
00:11:09,452 --> 00:11:10,962
I feel so guilty.

265
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:13,162
Do you know my first
thought when I saw he's dead?

266
00:11:13,196 --> 00:11:15,461
"I should've made airplane death pool."

267
00:11:15,532 --> 00:11:17,499
I'm a terrible person.

268
00:11:21,092 --> 00:11:22,795
- I feel no better.
- [DUCK QUACKING]

269
00:11:22,795 --> 00:11:24,485
This duck is broken.

270
00:11:25,548 --> 00:11:27,731
He'll be fine. Darryl's a pro.

271
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:28,999
Call me crazy, but I think

272
00:11:29,035 --> 00:11:31,001
we're actually gonna get away with this.

273
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:34,734
- [MAN GRUNTS]
- ALAN: What?

274
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:37,369
Hey, what the hell are you doing?

275
00:11:38,124 --> 00:11:40,391
Everything's okay. The dead guy's alive.

276
00:11:40,426 --> 00:11:43,160
That's not the dead guy.
This is the dead guy.

277
00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:46,675
[PASSENGERS GASPING, MURMURING]

278
00:11:46,842 --> 00:11:48,775
And that, everyone,

279
00:11:48,802 --> 00:11:51,136
is why you should always
turn off your cell phones.

280
00:11:51,437 --> 00:11:52,736
So true.

281
00:11:55,277 --> 00:11:57,429
To anyone feeling uneasy don't worry

282
00:11:57,429 --> 00:11:59,167
we'll be starting our
descent at any moment.

283
00:11:59,229 --> 00:12:01,737
And for the rest of you, I
can't believe I have to say this,

284
00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:03,745
please stop taking selfies with the body.

285
00:12:03,917 --> 00:12:05,392
[CAMERAS CLICKING]

286
00:12:05,682 --> 00:12:07,749
- You look bummed. ?
-Yeah.

287
00:12:07,854 --> 00:12:11,756
A man's death forces you
to consider your own legacy.

288
00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:15,202
And for me, that legacy
is a black-hearted coward,

289
00:12:15,238 --> 00:12:18,206
confused with the films of Ben Affleck.

290
00:12:19,175 --> 00:12:21,615
Well, there's still time to change that.

291
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:25,112
The Talmud says a man's legacy
is not sealed upon his death,

292
00:12:25,148 --> 00:12:27,138
but upon every moment which he lives.

293
00:12:27,317 --> 00:12:29,216
- Oh, that's comforting.
- Yeah.

294
00:12:29,252 --> 00:12:32,053
- And Talmud says that?
- I don't know.

295
00:12:32,315 --> 00:12:34,735
People listen to you more when
you say the Talmud says it.

296
00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,663
No one's actually read it,
so no one can call you out.

297
00:12:38,014 --> 00:12:40,140
Thank you. I feel much better.

298
00:12:40,187 --> 00:12:41,248
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]

299
00:12:41,284 --> 00:12:43,250
Hey, uh, can you get me a beer?

300
00:12:43,286 --> 00:12:45,261
No, you cannot trick me, little policeman.

301
00:12:47,451 --> 00:12:49,494
- Ronnie?
- Yeah.

302
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,419
Hi. Um, since the secret's out,

303
00:12:52,636 --> 00:12:54,490
could you do something about this?

304
00:12:54,779 --> 00:12:55,911
Just hang tight, okay?

305
00:12:55,936 --> 00:12:57,201
We're gonna be landing any minute.

306
00:12:57,237 --> 00:12:58,564
Just be normal!

307
00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:00,342
Can you please just move him?

308
00:13:00,443 --> 00:13:03,329
I can suppress anything, but
even I'm reaching my limit here.

309
00:13:03,847 --> 00:13:04,944
Okay.

310
00:13:08,709 --> 00:13:11,019
Ooh. You want to play
a game? Heads or tails?

311
00:13:11,695 --> 00:13:12,897
Heads?

312
00:13:13,757 --> 00:13:16,892
[GRUNTS] Yeah, I'm not
sure this game had a winner.

313
00:13:16,927 --> 00:13:18,574
I'm sorry you're stuck doing this.

314
00:13:18,637 --> 00:13:20,896
I asked Bernard for help,
but he just reminded me

315
00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:23,031
how much his hand cream
cost, then walked away.

316
00:13:23,066 --> 00:13:24,364
It's quite all right. In many ways,

317
00:13:24,395 --> 00:13:26,034
this is the perfect metaphor for us.

318
00:13:26,069 --> 00:13:28,069
Oh. Pretty quippy for a
guy holding a dead body.

319
00:13:28,105 --> 00:13:29,871
I am pretending he is a rug.

320
00:13:29,907 --> 00:13:31,806
I'm pretending I've never done this before.

321
00:13:31,842 --> 00:13:32,841
[BOTH GRUNTING]

322
00:13:34,668 --> 00:13:36,543
All right, what's going on?

323
00:13:36,596 --> 00:13:38,199
Nothing. What are you talking about?

324
00:13:38,242 --> 00:13:40,209
Tell me. Or I'll tell
everyone what happened

325
00:13:40,244 --> 00:13:42,423
- the night we were grounded in Billings.
- You wouldn't.

326
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,493
We both agreed Billings was a mistake.

327
00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:48,358
Okay, look. When I was in high school,

328
00:13:48,358 --> 00:13:51,175
I was a star football
player, big man on campus.

329
00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:53,909
Hands down, the best
punter in the district.

330
00:13:53,944 --> 00:13:55,944
In fact, it was my punt that got us

331
00:13:55,980 --> 00:13:57,736
into the state championship game.

332
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,870
- That sounds wrong.
- It was right after that game

333
00:14:00,299 --> 00:14:04,201
that I got a... I got a
hitch in my-my kicking motion.

334
00:14:04,414 --> 00:14:06,381
Almost like a... like a stutter kick.

335
00:14:06,819 --> 00:14:08,152
You're talking about the yips.

336
00:14:08,187 --> 00:14:10,254
It was the most
challenging time of my life.

337
00:14:10,289 --> 00:14:12,156
That was the most
challenging time of your life?

338
00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:13,712
I watched my neighbor drown.

339
00:14:13,712 --> 00:14:15,712
The point is, the same thing's
happening to me right now.

340
00:14:15,747 --> 00:14:19,174
Every time I grab my
yoke... my hands go crazy.

341
00:14:19,395 --> 00:14:20,669
I can't land this thing.

342
00:14:22,018 --> 00:14:25,048
Well, if we're gonna die,
I'm gonna have some carbs.

343
00:14:34,979 --> 00:14:36,299
Ugh! God.

344
00:14:36,813 --> 00:14:37,940
Thank you.

345
00:14:38,048 --> 00:14:40,748
And I am sorry for canceling.

346
00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:42,300
In retrospect, I should've just said

347
00:14:42,335 --> 00:14:44,917
"Let's bang one out and
hit the pancake house."

348
00:14:45,307 --> 00:14:48,099
I like pancake's house. [CHUCKLES]

349
00:14:48,854 --> 00:14:51,622
Look, Colin, we're just too different.

350
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:54,045
I really did us a favor by not showing up.

351
00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:57,056
It's like when you know a
massive storm is rolling in.

352
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:58,530
You don't fly into it.

353
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,931
They cancel, and you go get
drunk at the airport bar.

354
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,002
Out of curiosity, how
many of your analogies end

355
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,271
with "and get drunk in the airport bar"?

356
00:15:06,751 --> 00:15:07,972
Ronnie, we have a problem.

357
00:15:09,316 --> 00:15:10,622
And it's not even that.

358
00:15:11,893 --> 00:15:13,993
- The yips?
- Would everyone please

359
00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:15,828
stop saying that word?

360
00:15:15,864 --> 00:15:17,764
I-I have dead body all over my hands.

361
00:15:17,799 --> 00:15:19,666
I will use whatever word I want.

362
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,734
Why don't you just let Alan land the plane?

363
00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:23,903
Because Aviator Magazine named
me a top ten pilot to watch.

364
00:15:23,939 --> 00:15:27,006
The only list Alan is on is the
top ten people who can suck it.

365
00:15:27,339 --> 00:15:29,108
[GROANS] Ew. God...

366
00:15:30,691 --> 00:15:31,767
Alan.

367
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,814
We need you, buddy. You're up.

368
00:15:36,218 --> 00:15:37,249
Me?

369
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:38,731
Yeah.

370
00:15:39,054 --> 00:15:40,954
?

371
00:15:42,991 --> 00:15:44,691
[APPLAUSE]

372
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:48,795
- [PASSENGERS GASPING]
- RONNIE: Oh, my God!

373
00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:50,080
BERNARD: Out of the way, out of the way!

374
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:53,700
[ALAN GRUNTS]

375
00:15:53,735 --> 00:15:55,001
It's okay, everyone.

376
00:15:55,036 --> 00:15:56,864
According to the manual, he's still alive.

377
00:16:01,006 --> 00:16:02,065
Just curious

378
00:16:02,065 --> 00:16:03,515
how terrified should we be

379
00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:04,636
about all of this?

380
00:16:04,661 --> 00:16:06,373
Depends. You know how to cure the yips?

381
00:16:06,373 --> 00:16:07,939
Wait, my friend Krystal had that.

382
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,139
Her fingers kept locking up

383
00:16:09,241 --> 00:16:11,074
every time she tried to unsnap her bra.

384
00:16:11,176 --> 00:16:13,636
She had to stop dancing, but
now she runs the club's day care,

385
00:16:13,718 --> 00:16:14,871
Little Grapefruits.

386
00:16:15,247 --> 00:16:17,406
I still can't believe they
got approved as a Montessori.

387
00:16:17,789 --> 00:16:20,890
- So what are you gonna do?
- Oh, God.

388
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:26,387
All right. We're landing this plane.

389
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:29,629
- Oh, you can fly. Thank God.
- No, but you can.

390
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:31,644
And I am going to help you through it.

391
00:16:31,746 --> 00:16:33,933
This all started with the
magazine article, right?

392
00:16:33,933 --> 00:16:36,005
That's good. That means it's all mental.

393
00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:37,571
Just like your high school football thing.

394
00:16:37,674 --> 00:16:40,001
So how did you get over
it when you were a punter?

395
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,868
I quit the team, transferred schools,

396
00:16:41,970 --> 00:16:44,871
and now can't go near a football
without having a panic attack.

397
00:16:44,973 --> 00:16:46,172
Okay. That's not helpful.

398
00:16:46,274 --> 00:16:48,847
I guess the best way to get
over this is to quit Jackpot,

399
00:16:48,872 --> 00:16:50,675
switch careers and
become a train conductor.

400
00:16:50,972 --> 00:16:52,906
Conductor Dave. Yeah, that sounds good.

401
00:16:52,931 --> 00:16:54,352
I'll be one of Railroad Magazine's

402
00:16:54,352 --> 00:16:56,267
top ten conductors to watch.

403
00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:59,403
Oh, God, the pressure.
I can't land this train!

404
00:16:59,654 --> 00:17:00,925
Oh, my God.

405
00:17:03,618 --> 00:17:04,918
BERNARD: This is the most depressing

406
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:07,492
travel experience I've ever
had, and I was on the Titanic.

407
00:17:08,394 --> 00:17:10,852
Movie set. Billy Zane has some demons.

408
00:17:10,852 --> 00:17:12,752
I'd never seen a dead body before.

409
00:17:13,068 --> 00:17:15,035
In Britain, you try to die like a cat:

410
00:17:15,137 --> 00:17:17,337
in a quiet corner, burdening no one.

411
00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:19,880
Yeah, listen up, everybody.

412
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,474
Enough sadness.

413
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:23,815
This man is dead, but we are not.

414
00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:27,913
And if I have learned anything
from this tiny rabbi here today,

415
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,290
it is that we must make

416
00:17:30,315 --> 00:17:32,913
most of life while we have it!

417
00:17:32,991 --> 00:17:34,090
[LAUGHS]

418
00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:36,225
So come, let us all celebrate

419
00:17:36,327 --> 00:17:39,394
that we're not dead, or Alan.

420
00:17:40,198 --> 00:17:43,032
No. Let us rejoice.

421
00:17:43,134 --> 00:17:45,034
[PASSENGERS MURMURING]

422
00:17:46,131 --> 00:17:48,457
? Hava nagila? ?

423
00:17:50,539 --> 00:17:53,741
? Hava nagila... ?

424
00:17:54,947 --> 00:17:57,278
? Ve-nis'mecha ?

425
00:17:57,646 --> 00:17:59,445
- Yeah! ? Hava... ?
- ? Hava ?

426
00:17:59,547 --> 00:18:02,348
? Nagila, hava nagila ?

427
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:05,858
? Hava nagila ?

428
00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:07,659
? Ve-nis'mecha ?

429
00:18:07,926 --> 00:18:11,763
? Hava neranena, hava neranena... ?

430
00:18:11,865 --> 00:18:13,995
Look, I know this whole top ten

431
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:16,217
thing has gotten to your head.

432
00:18:17,037 --> 00:18:18,475
But that's not pressure.

433
00:18:19,806 --> 00:18:22,841
Real pressure is safely
flying a plane full of people

434
00:18:22,943 --> 00:18:26,889
who are all counting on you
to get them to their jobs.

435
00:18:27,619 --> 00:18:29,390
To get them to their families.

436
00:18:29,721 --> 00:18:32,258
To get them to the people
they're going to help.

437
00:18:34,394 --> 00:18:37,018
And you already do that every day.

438
00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:39,781
So put aside the what-ifs

439
00:18:39,882 --> 00:18:43,750
and all the ways this could
go wrong, and just do it.

440
00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:46,391
WOMAN [OVER RADIO]: Jackpot
320, you are cleared to land.

441
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:49,484
So what do you think, Captain?
You want to land this thing?

442
00:18:53,190 --> 00:18:57,058
Las Vegas tower,
this is Jackpot 3-2-0.

443
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,656
Mark her inbound.

444
00:18:59,329 --> 00:19:00,803
Ready to land.

445
00:19:01,786 --> 00:19:03,018
Ah! [KISSES LOUDLY]

446
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:05,066
[PASSENGERS CHEERING]

447
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,069
Yeah! We did it!

448
00:19:08,171 --> 00:19:10,537
We're going to Vegas!

449
00:19:11,174 --> 00:19:12,340
[CHEERING CONTINUES]

450
00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:14,749
DAVE: Hello, passengers.

451
00:19:14,749 --> 00:19:16,649
Sorry for the delay; wasn't my fault.

452
00:19:16,751 --> 00:19:18,451
Welcome to Las Vegas.

453
00:19:18,913 --> 00:19:20,288
[PASSENGERS CHEERING]

454
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,888
It's called Grapefruits, and yeah,

455
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:23,290
as long as you have a letter from a rabbi

456
00:19:23,392 --> 00:19:25,607
saying you're a man,
they'll totally let you in.

457
00:19:25,607 --> 00:19:28,608
? Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,
we made you out of clay ?

458
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:32,522
? And when you're dry and ready,
the slot machine we'll play ?

459
00:19:32,646 --> 00:19:33,846
? Hey! ?

460
00:19:36,034 --> 00:19:37,934
Colin. Colin, hi.

461
00:19:38,036 --> 00:19:40,269
Hey, um, I've been thinking.

462
00:19:40,716 --> 00:19:42,872
Let's do it. You and me.

463
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,907
Let's put aside all the what-ifs

464
00:19:45,010 --> 00:19:46,704
and all things that could go wrong,

465
00:19:46,705 --> 00:19:48,605
and the public arguments in restaurants,

466
00:19:48,932 --> 00:19:51,681
the breakups, the makeups,
the pregnancy scares,

467
00:19:51,706 --> 00:19:53,430
so many pregnancy scares.

468
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,539
So I say let's fly into the storm,

469
00:19:56,564 --> 00:20:00,046
let it tear the plane apart,
and see if we both survive.

470
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,169
What do you think?

471
00:20:02,665 --> 00:20:04,175
You want to do this thing?

472
00:20:05,494 --> 00:20:07,443
No. That sounds awful.

473
00:20:08,421 --> 00:20:10,704
Why would we put ourselves
through any of that?

474
00:20:10,807 --> 00:20:13,784
Up till now, our relationship
has been 90% fighting,

475
00:20:13,822 --> 00:20:16,587
seven percent holding a dead body,

476
00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:19,129
and three percent making
out in a tiny bathroom.

477
00:20:19,154 --> 00:20:21,188
This isn't gonna work.

478
00:20:22,198 --> 00:20:23,217
Yeah.

479
00:20:23,318 --> 00:20:24,517
- Yep. Yeah, you're right.
- Yeah?

480
00:20:24,619 --> 00:20:26,185
Uh, you're totally right.

481
00:20:26,210 --> 00:20:29,958
I think I was just coming off
a high from landing the plane,

482
00:20:29,982 --> 00:20:31,574
uh, but now that you say it,

483
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:32,944
it makes sense.

484
00:20:33,271 --> 00:20:35,643
Okay. I'll see you Sunday.

485
00:20:39,865 --> 00:20:42,439
Hello. This is Captain Dave Pratman,

486
00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:44,760
top ten pilot to watch, returning
a call about a photo shoot tomorrow.

487
00:20:44,838 --> 00:20:46,488
Just want to confirm
that it's not a practical joke.

488
00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,149
I've been burned before.

489
00:20:49,355 --> 00:20:50,548
Great.

490
00:20:59,638 --> 00:21:02,254
I like it dirty. And I
don't mean the Martini.

491
00:21:04,051 --> 00:21:06,051
This is the smoking section.

492
00:21:08,117 --> 00:21:09,252
Boom.

493
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:13,852
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